Dear Kobe

None of this feels real. From the moment the news hit I thought it had to be some sick joke. I couldn’t wrap my head around losing my biggest idol in life. I’ve been crying nonstop since the second I saw it. Kobe is the man I’ve looked up to more than anyone else in existence since I was 5 years old. Everyone who knows me closely knows that basketball was always my first love and first true passion, a lot more than film back then. I played it religiously from age 6-17. It was literally my life and the only thing I cared about. All because of Kobe Bryant. When the Lakers played the Kings and Blazers during that three-peat run, every game in the playoffs, during halftime, I would go outside and try to get as many buckets as possible, pretending to make every fade-away and game-winner like Kobe, before running back to finish watching the second half. Every single game. Every single time. I remember being at basketball practice when I was in 7th grade, I was playing on a varsity team at the time, and Kobe had his 81-point game against the Raptors. All of practice stopped and we were all glued to witnessing Kobe completely turn into this otherworldly being. I remember staying at the court outside my house until 2am, sometimes 3am, just shooting hundreds and hundreds of shots because I knew Kobe would do the same thing all the time. Just to make sure I could always outplay someone. That absolutely ferocious and infectious competitiveness. That’s the impact Kobe had on me, and so many others. That’s the Mamba Mentality. He injected into me a drive to always be great, to dedicate everything I have to my craft, in any medium. The determination and focus to always improve. He poured his heart and soul into everything he did and it caused me to do the same. It was way bigger than basketball because instilling a work ethic of that magnitude into young kids, especially athletes, is so damn special and so important. I’ll forever be indebted to him for helping me build that part of myself. It feels like he’s become a part of my DNA. I wanted to be Kobe. I still want to be Kobe. It’s hard to find any words because nothing seems adequate enough to say to do him the justice he deserves for everything he meant to me. And now, as an artist working to accomplish great things in film for myself, to see my idol himself doing film and storytelling also, it felt like he was out here on this planet to help keep me on my path, even if he’d never known I existed. He felt like my guiding light through all the dark things in life. I always dreamed that because of this wed get to work on a script or film together someday. I never got to meet him, I never got to have a conversation with him, and I’ll never get to write that story with him either. Maybe I should’ve worked harder or faster so that opportunity could have already happened. That feels like a failure for me. And that’s a regret I’ll carry for the rest of my life. I just wish I could have had one conversation with him just to let him know what he meant to my entire life the last 20+ years. I loved him like a father figure and I always will. And what pains me even more is that his daughter Gigi was taken way too soon as well. His passion for basketball was reignited because of her. She was so damn talented, she had the same drive as him and the same passion for the sport. She was going to change the entire game. She truly seemed like a special player. You could see how much joy Kobe found in that. They were both one in the same. It breaks my heart that she’s never going to get to see her journey carry on and get to build a legacy like her father did. It just isn’t fair at all. I can’t even imagine how Vanessa and his other daughters feel right now. You see the impact he had on me and the rest of the world so that’s definitely magnified twentyfold for his family. It really fucking sucks. They didn’t deserve this. And while I have all of these great and beautiful memories of watching Kobe throughout the years to help bring me happiness, it’s still so damn hard not to hurt and not to feel sad. I’ve never felt a sadness this powerful ever in my life. This truly feels like I have a huge void in my heart and soul that will never be filled ever again because of what Kobe meant to me. Kobe is the reason for why I am the way I am today. He’s the reason I have such a need and desire to be as great as humanly possible in every facet of life. Kobe is the reason for everything. I always thought my lasting memory of Kobe was gonna be him dropping 60 points in his final game ever, giving us all one last flash of what he truly was as a player: someone that could dominate any team and anyone at any moment he wanted to. But I was wrong. My lasting memory of Kobe is forever going to be the father and husband who gave everything he had to his family and his passions, to helping his daughter discover her full potential in her passion and doing anything necessary to ensure she would get wherever she wanted to get to, to becoming a powerful, Oscar-winning storyteller, to being a humanitarian and ambassador of helping to eliminate homelessness, to never shortchanging any of us with his efforts in anything he ever directed time and energy towards. I will remember him being the happiest he’s ever been because of all of these things post-basketball. I will always remember him for what he stood for. I will always remember him for showing me what it means to be great and how hard you need to work to achieve your goals. He is someone that can never be duplicated and never be replaced. I love him and am gonna miss his presence in this world for the rest of my life. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me, Kobe. You were the biggest inspiration in my life. I genuinely wouldn’t be today here without you. #MambaOut #Lakers